This week Ive had a lot of deep questions in my heart.. DEEP experiences that I undoubtedly know in my heart I need to be here to figure out what Im doing.
This week, I had a dream. I was with Grammy. We were driving in the car or something and I was just talking and teaching the doctrine of Christ. We just talked about problems and life. It was tender. Somedays, I just desperatley miss my family, to a point of tears.. but these dreams get me by, because I know with all humility that I have a gift. I know I am supposed to learn something from these dreams.
A few days passed, and I had a crazy cool experience.. We taught a woman named Maria.. Maria is the sister of the patriarch..and she is really Catholic. (So is the rest of Cuenca).. We taught Lesson 2: The Plan of Salvation..and I was at LOST for words. I could hardly speak, let alone bear my testimony. It was crazy. I was stuck thinking about Grammy again. I seriously sat there and just stared blank into the ceiling. I was on an exchange with Hermana Torres from Guatamala and I just told her how I was so struck by this woman. She cant accept the gospel (to any degree) because her husband is Catholic and yeah..its a sin to just up and change. And its difficult. Sometimes, as missionaries, we just surf through people that don't listen to us or cant progress because we really cant help them to the degree that we desire, but with this woman, I saw her cry. I saw her weep because she KNEW this message was true, but is stuck in a hard place and just cant exactly do everything to progress. Man. If I could explain how I felt.. 8 layer bean dip of a emotions.
Also, I want to teach you guys something SUPER cool :) This comes from Elder Viteri from Argentina. Its called "LA TAPA" ...
theres a story that talks about a flea thats in a container.. the flea can stay in the container for 3 weeks and just jump, jump, jump! By the end of the month, you can take the lid off of the container and the flea will NOT pass the limit of where the lid once was...this is like our lifes.. sometimes we put expectations that are low..we just dont meet our potential.. and really, the lesson im learning is that we need to open our tapa / open the lid! How many times have we thought "I cant go on a mission, Im too old", "I cant go to prom, I dont have a date", "I cant possibly get into medical school" "(insert name) is too good for me, he will never love me" and so forth.. Basically..its a lesson for life. WE need to let down our guard and just keep positive, stop believing the things in your head.. TRUST in the lord and be happy.
The prayers get longer and my knees get weaker. I pray that I can be what the Lord wants me to be. I pray that you have safety.
Pray for ME.